Wednesday's Ramblings
Varshnie's Vanishing Vehicle -and other green measures
Stabroek News, Wednesday, December 5th 2007
President Jagdeo has gone green. His decision to take the nation's
forests hostage in a high stakes game of ecological chicken ("I will
chop them down! I'm not bluffing!") is part of a substantial and
personal conversion to what is known as deep ecology. He has seen the
fluorescent light!
It all happened on a recent trip to Washington where he slipped his
security detail and had dinner at an organic restaurant where he was
first forced to strip to his briefs and chant Buddhist prayers. The
meal of urban sourced watercress and bean sprouts was a revelation and
when he casually told the owner he just so happened to own a few
million square hectares of virgin rainforest, the two stayed up until 2
am sipping organic cocoa and discussing his "duty to the planet, dude".
Jagdeo returned to his hotel in a daze carrying a pamphlet outlining
the deep ecology philosophy.
Among them is: "The well-being and flourishing of human and nonhuman
life on Earth have value in themselves. These values are independent of
the usefulness of the nonhuman world for human purposes."
"The ideological change is mainly that of appreciating life quality
rather than adhering to an increasingly higher standard of living.
(What other reason could there be for VAT?)
Since that fateful night almost all his other decisions, many of them
quite unfathomable, have been influenced by deep ecology.
Many may have not noticed but the President is now wearing Hemp
underwear. It's kind of itchy and might explain how he has been
irritable of late.
He did not say it, but his decision not to dismiss the "gun toting"
Kellawan Lall was borne out of a concern for the amount of paper work
the resignation would produce…nothing more. (And certainly not
because we can always rely on him to do the wrong thing)
This president cares deeply about the use of paper. He regularly goes
into the grounds of State House and hugs the trees. He climbs them,
talks to them, shows them policy papers. He loves those "brother"
trees.
So much so that the Chancellor/Chief Justice standoff is influenced by
Jagdeo's belief that a crippled and hobbled judicial system will
produce less paper.
The removal of the vehicle for Varshnie Singh (she didn't like those
trees) was guided by his personal deeply held conviction that
combustion engines are evil. They are harming the planet and heck she
can take public transportation like everyone else.
And finally according to tenet (6) of the Deep Ecology platform:
"Policies must therefore be changed. The changes in policies affect
basic economic, technological structures. The resulting state of
affairs will be deeply different from the present."
That's why the President's surprising warning (instead of the annual
promise) that the country can expect a dark Christmas thanks to
continuing GPL blackouts. Ominously his way of getting the nation
conditioned to an eventual complete break from electricity. Get ready
for a brighter if somewhat dimmer era of pre industrial, carbon neutral
purity.
Mystery of the Week
Guess which newspaper these letter excerpts come from.
"….The former First Lady is encountering unnecessary and arbitrary
treatment that cannot be justified until legal divorce papers are
filed…"
"…The fact is that many East Indians are unhappy, dissatisfied, and
frustrated with the governance of the PPP-civic administration."
"Now is the time, and not only for toys but a tax break for the general
funding for education, medical and clothing needs…"
Can you believe all are from the Monday edition of the Chronic. What
the hell is going on over there? Has the GINA letter department gone on
strike? Is the Misirable Impresonator on leave? Or has the editor
finally located his balls?
We are deeply disappointed. Please resume normal fake letter writer
programming or the government will withdraw all ads from this
newspaper.
Unlikeliest Quote of the Week
'One of his (Gerry Gouveia's) loyal friends and veteran pilot Captain
Chan-A-Sue pledged his support to the new plan but warned him not to
allow his "balls to get bigger than his brain"'
Question of the Week
Why is the Stats Bureau holding out on the inflation rate since issuing
the last one for July? It's December. You have the numbers. Cough them
up.
Editorial
Lovable and cuddly minister Cement Rohee wants the nation's school
children to tell bus drivers to slow down. Exactly which planet does he
live on?
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